Discovering Truth

The last few months the Lord has taken me on a journey of discovery. Discovering who He really is and who I really am in Him.

Before we dive in I want to say, Spiritual Warfare is no small thing. It is dark and lonely and very, very real and if that's where you are at right now, I am praying for YOU and I pray that you would feel God's presence in this very moment. That He would flood you with love and hope and as you read my story, I pray that He would use it however you need, right where you're at.

<><><><><><><>

For months I was tormented by the enemy. He spoke things to me that made me question everything. He told me I was worthless, I had fallen from grace, I’d messed up one too many times and God was removing Himself from me until I could get it together. He told me I wasn’t worthy of worshipping or sharing my testimony publicly because I was so far from grace, sharing was just a lie, I was fraud.

The worst part is I believed these lies. I didn’t only believe them, but I felt them, physically and mentally. I felt broken, broken hearted and far from Jesus.

I kept reading my bible, praying and worshipping, but it felt like going through the motions. I have experienced that before though(going through the motions) so I knew this was better than nothing at all. Part of me knew God would pull me through, but I didn’t know how or when and I spent a lot time thinking I had to do something to fix myself in order to get back into the good graces of God, but I simply couldn’t. I just didn’t feel strong enough to be good enough.

Many nights I sobbed as I begged Jesus not to let me go. “Please just don’t let me go, don’t let me go. I don't know what to do, just don't let me go.”

The thought of Jesus walking away from me was TERRIFYING.

I eventually stopped trying. I stopped trying to fix anything and I just accepted that this was a season I needed to walk through and all God needed me to do was be still in it.

I often think if I do something specific things will change/get better, but that’s never the case. It’s always when I stop trying to do anything and I put it all in God’s hands that things start to turn. That 's' word… Surrender.

I was listening to one of my favorite prophets speak and she wasn’t even saying anything specific, just sharing the wonders and powers of God and as I was listening, I physically felt something lift off of me. It was like whatever was holding me down spiritually, floated up to the clouds, which is actually funny as I recount because the speaker was speaking about clouds!

In an instant my mind was cleared and I remembered the TRUTH.

I sin, I make mistakes, I am far from perfect, BUT… I am REDEEMED, RESTORED, MADE NEW, SANCITIFIED, JUSTIFIED, AND FORGIVEN by the blood and in the name of JESUS! I am a child of God.

My salvation has NOTHING to do with me and what I have done or could ever do, it is 100% about the sacrifice of Jesus and what He did on the cross. “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the spirit.” Romans 8:1

I knew this in my head, but the Lord allowed me to walk through this season to truly and fully SHOW me…there is NOTHING stronger than the blood of Jesus. There is NOTHING I could ever do to make Jesus let me go. There is NOTHING I could ever do to make Him stop loving me or fighting for me.

I am saved by the grace of God through my faith in Him who gave it all for me on the cross. “For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves, it is a GIFT from God, lest anyone should boast.” Ephesians 2:8-9

I hold myself to a high standard which isn’t ALL bad, all I strive for is to honor God in all that I do, BUT I also have to remember that big 'g' word. GRACE. I WILL fall short daily, I will NEVER have it all figured out and He doesn't expect me to! This is why I NEED Him. He is the breath of life in my lungs, He is the vine and I am the branch.

Friend, you are going to walk through hard seasons. Following Jesus isn’t a cake walk. In the past I have feared talking about this because I don’t want it to discourage anyone from choosing Jesus, but the truth is we all face hard seasons whether we know Him or not and what I have learned is… I would rather be in the deepest pit surrounded by lions WITH God, than on the highest mountain with the most beautiful view, WITHOUT God.

I have felt deep sadness AND joy at the same time because of Jesus. Because as I am struggling through, He is sitting right next to me saying, “Hold on a little longer. You are not alone. I am right here with you and I will never let you go. Just hold tight to Me. Keep your eyes and your focus on Me.” “The Lord will fight for you, you need only be still.” Exodus 14:14

He will NEVER let you go! Consider it an honor when the Lord takes you through a hard season because those times produce endurance and perseverance and strengthen your faith, if you allow it to. We were never promised a trial free life, but we can trust God to be with us in it all. We are called to glorify Him in all we do and one way we can show Him to those around us, is in how we respond to whatever comes our way.

“I am the true vine and my Father the vinedresser. Every branch in Me that does not produce fruit He takes away and every branch that bears fruit He prunes that it may bear more fruit. You are already clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. ABIDE in Me and I in you as the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me.” John 15:1-4

I have branches that need taken away and I have branches that need pruned and I pray that the Lord does just that. It can be painful, it can feel like you are being broken, but the good work the Lord starts He will complete. I trust His plan for me and that is enough.

You don’t often know the WHY when you’re in it, but keep your trust in the Lord and it will all make sense eventually. Isaiah 55:8-9 says His ways are not our ways and His thoughts not our thoughts. Romans 8:31 "If the Lord is for us who can be against?" Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him."

I am SOOO grateful for that season. I would go back and go through it again in a heartbeat because I have never felt so free and so light and I can’t even express the gratitude I have for Jesus and the free gift He gives to ALL WHO BELIEVE. That is IT guys! You not only can't earn it, but you don't have to!! Believe it and receive it in your heart and He will set you FREE. True freedom is in His name. I just…am speechless. Not really because I keep on yappin’, but you know what I mean!! 😊

There is NO other who can do this for you! Nothing else in the WORLD can satisfy you and bring you into your full and true self, only Jesus. And THIS is what Satan fears! This is what he was trying to destory in me, but he messed with the wrong mama. I build my life on Jesus for these very seasons. The storms will come, but I am built on The Rock.

When we live in our GOD GIVEN IDENTITIES we can walk in our GOD GIVEN PURPOSES! Satan is stealing this from so many, deceiving so many and it breaks my heart.

Jesus is freedom. Jesus is healing. Jesus is The Way, The Truth and The Life!

Get in the Word TODAY and discover for yourself who Jesus is. Of all the adventures I have gone on, the last 3 years of intentionally seeking Jesus have been the most incredible, and we are just getting started.

Praise the Lord!!

Not sure where to start?? Check out The Bible Recap for a beginner friendly, sustainable reading plan. This helped me read through the entire Bible for the first time with the lens of looking for GOD, not myself, a mistake I think many of us can make and an absolute life-changer in your walk with Christ and discovering who He truly is.

Jesus loves you so very much. You are never too far gone for Him to reach you.

"All who call on the name of the Lord WILL be saved!" Romans 10:13

Call on His name, He is waiting for you. <3